Writing a letter to a deceased loved one: advice and examples
Introduction
When faced with the loss of a loved one, words sometimes seem insufficient. Yet, writing a letter to a deceased loved one can become a deeply liberating gesture. This ancient practice, recognised by grief therapists, allows you to express what could not be said, to share precious memories or simply to maintain a symbolic connection with the person you loved.
Whether you wish to write a written tribute for the funeral, compose a posthumous message for yourself, or create a testimony to share on an online memorial page, this approach follows no strict rules. There is no "right" way to write to a deceased person. Only your sincerity matters.
This guide supports you in writing your farewell letter: how to structure your thoughts, find the first words, choose what you wish to share, and decide what you will do with this text once finished. You will also find concrete examples adapted to different relationships: parent, spouse, child or friend.
📌 Summary (TL;DR)
Writing a letter to a deceased loved one helps to express complex emotions and to honour their memory. This guide offers a simple structure to begin, develop and conclude your message, accompanied by concrete examples according to the bond that united you. You will also discover practical advice for choosing the right time to write and deciding the fate of your letter: keeping it, sharing it at the funeral, or publishing it on an online memorial page.
📚 Table of contents
Why write a letter to a deceased loved one?
Writing a letter to a deceased person offers a space to express what you could not say during their lifetime. This approach helps to release emotions, to extend the emotional bond and to move forward in the grieving process.
Writing allows you to transform pain into a written tribute, to put words to sadness, anger or gratitude. It is a therapeutic act that helps to accept the loss whilst honouring the memory of the deceased.
When to write this letter?
There is no ideal moment to write to a deceased person. Some feel the need immediately after the death, others on anniversaries, important dates or simply when emotion arises.
Listen to your own rhythm. Whether it is a few days, a few months or several years after the loss, every moment is legitimate for writing this posthumous message.
How to structure your letter
A farewell letter does not need to follow strict rules. Authenticity takes precedence over perfection. Favour a simple structure that allows you to freely express your thoughts and emotions.
Here are some guidelines to organise your tribute text in a natural and sincere way.
Starting your letter
Begin with a natural form of address: "Dear Dad", "My dear Marie", "My friend". Choose the words you usually used.
The first words can be simple: "I miss you", "I need to talk to you", "Today, I'm thinking of you". Let your heart guide your pen without seeking the perfect sentence.
The body of the letter: what to say?
Share specific memories that are dear to you. Express your emotions without filter: sadness, anger, gratitude, regrets. Tell what has happened since their departure, the events they would have liked to know about.
Say what you would have wanted to tell them, what you miss in daily life, the lessons they passed on to you. Authenticity matters more than elegance. This memory testimony is for you above all.
Ending with sincerity
Conclude simply, with your own words. "I love you", "You will always remain in my heart", "Thank you for everything" are sincere and touching phrases.
You can also make a promise or share a final personal message. The essential thing is sincerity, not perfection.
Examples of letters to a deceased loved one
Here are some examples of letters to a deceased person to inspire you. Each relationship is unique, adapt these models to your personal story and your emotions.
These examples illustrate different contexts and tones to help you find your own voice.
Letter to a parent
"Dear Mum,
Sundays are no longer the same without your cakes and your laughter. I think of you every morning whilst preparing my coffee, as you taught me. Thank you for your patience, your unconditional love and those thousands of small gestures that shaped who I am today. I miss you terribly. I love you."
Letter to a spouse
"My love,
The silence of the house weighs on me. Our 30 years together are not enough, I would have wanted an eternity. I continue to put out two cups in the morning out of habit. Thank you for this shared life, for your support and your presence. You will always remain the love of my life. Forever yours."
Letter to a child
"My little angel,
No words can describe this immense emptiness. You should have grown up, laughed, lived. I keep preciously every memory, every smile, every moment spent together. You will always be my baby, my infinite love. Mum/Dad loves you forever."
Letter to a friend
"My friend,
I miss our laughter. I think of our adventures, our late-night confidences. I would have wanted to say thank you for your presence, your listening, your loyalty. You marked my life more than you thought. Rest in peace, my brother of the heart."
Practical advice for writing
A few concrete recommendations facilitate the process of writing your memory message. The objective is to create a space conducive to the authentic expression of your emotions.
Do not put pressure on yourself. This letter evolves at your own pace, you can return to it several times if necessary.
Choosing the right time and place
Settle in a quiet place where you will not be disturbed. Allow yourself time, without constraint or pressure. Some prefer to write early in the morning, others late in the evening.
Create a soothing environment: soft music, photo of the deceased, candle. The essential thing is to feel safe to let your emotions express themselves.
Handwritten or digital?
Handwriting offers an intimate and personal dimension. The act of writing by hand strengthens the emotional connection and creates a precious object to keep.
The digital format facilitates sharing with family and long-term preservation. You can also combine both: write by hand then digitise to share your written tribute.
What to do with your letter once written?
Several options are available to you after writing your letter. You can keep it for yourself, reread it in difficult moments. Some choose to share it with family or to place it on the grave.
On Wolky, you can publish written testimonies and memories on memorial pages. It is a way to share your condolences online and to create a memory space accessible to all. You can also read it during a ceremony or, for some, burn it as a symbolic ritual of release.
Discover how to express your condolences and consult our examples of condolence messages for inspiration.
Writing a letter to a deceased loved one is a deeply personal act that allows you to express what you could not say, to maintain a connection with the loved one and to move forward in your grieving process. Whether it is short or long, handwritten or digital, the important thing is that it is sincere and that it reflects you.
Take the time to choose the right moment, let your emotions express themselves without filter, and do not be afraid of imperfections. Your letter can remain private, be placed on a grave, or shared with other loved ones who are going through the same grief.
If you wish to create a more permanent memory space where you can share your tributes, photos and memories with your family and loved ones, Wolky allows you to publish an obituary online and to create a memorial page accessible to all, at any time. A digital place where the memory of your loved one can live and be honoured collectively.
